Karma Walk

I have bad Karma. This is the only explanation for how things in my life have turned, except perhaps, attributing it to life being chaotic and random. I might believe both, but Karma has a redeeming factor; Karma can be manipulated by action and thought. A universal state of bedlam cannot. So I seek redemption, not from others' blessings, nor from any communication to higher power, but through footsteps. Many unforseeable footsteps.

Karma means, in rough terms, action and deed. Karma has many interpretations and meanings, but I am viewing it primarily through the Buddhist lense. This isn't a commentary on Karma and its many forms, so I will refrain from delving too deep. Before a doctor prescribes a treatment, the problems must be diagnosed. Let me step back.

I don't know where I lost my path. I do know that I felt the joys and pains of being on the correct path for a short period of time. It was lonely at times, but good. Yet lately I have been cought up in a culture I find increasingly alienating to me. I found myself dealing with modern problems, without the internal solutions. I found myself making calculations that, in the end, did not pay off. Large portions of my life, of my percieved future, kept crumbling apart. I am now a stranger in my own existence. I don't understand people and their motivations, and I certainly find my own mystifying.

Regardless, I have reached a point where I am jobless, pennyless, soon to be low on friends still staying in town, without a roof over my head. Even so, I have an option in front of me, one that I am beginning to embrace. In the last several years, my life and future has been wittled down to a fine point. It is time to walk the earth. It is time for suffering and for raw, unfiltered lessons. It is time for joy, beauty and freedom, but mostly, to shed my ignorant ways. The Karmic scale of my actions and inactions has become so obvious that these measures must be taken.

I must admit I have a romantic inclination toward adventure on foot, scavenging along the way. The purpose of ditching my belongings and career is two fold. Being Buddhist obviously has its influence, yet a strong voice extends from those with wanderlust. Jack Kerouac has been an inspiration for me. From the day I started reading Into the Wild years ago in High School, Chris McCandless has whispered to me through time. His life resonates with my spirit. The Italian television program called Invisibile interviewed those without home or conventional work, those beyond the 9-5's that opress those around me. Peers of mine have taken to the road, and learned a stillness that is shared by every great religion's gurus and teachers. I studied the Songlines in Australia, and have roots in the Charokee people. I am not satisfied with the culture around me, nor my ability to adjust to the expectations. I have failed the world around me, but the times we live in have failed too.

I have limited time left to prepare for my journey. I have picked a general direction to walk, with a first goal destination. I must, with little to no money, put together a cart to pull supplies (will post designs/pictures soon). Dog food will be heavy, but I certainly am not leaving my best friend behind. Kuna has held my sanity for some time now, so without her around, I am just another crazy vagabonding supertramp. I must also find a way to store or get rid of most my worldy posessions.

My first steps will begin in Bend, Oregon. I will be sad to leave my family; parents, brother and sis in law, and two nephews. On the other hand, I will feel tremendous joy to leave everything else behind.

By September 10th I must:

1. sell/store my furniture and books.
2. build cart to pull gear.
3. spend more time walking with Kuna for long durations.
4. pay off my credit card.
5. decide if I should sell my car.
6. update passport.
7. collect numbers and addresses.